Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive ~ Dalai Lama

Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) views compassion as a foundational process involving kindness and understanding toward self and others. It is rooted in an understanding of the human condition as vulnerable and fallible and emphasizes the need to respond to this with empathy and care. Compassion is said to involve three core principles: 1. Compassionate-mind, which is the capacity for compassion and the cultivation of qualities like kindness and acceptance, as well as a sense of interconnectedness with others, 2. Compassionate-motivation, a desire to promote healing and growth, and relieve suffering guided by principles of empathy and kindness, and 3.  Compassionate-behaviour, which is acting in a way that reflects deep caring for self and others.

Along similar lines, self-compassion is said to involve three core principles: 1. Self-kindness, moving away from self-criticism and judgement, especially in difficult moments and moving toward encouragement, support and comfort, 2. Common humanity, which involves recognizing that suffering, struggles, and imperfections are a natural and universal part of the human experience, and that everyone faces these challenges, and 3. Mindfulness, which involves paying attention to our inner-experiences without judgement or self-criticism.

In cultivating compassion, we can become more resilient, more emotionally regulated, and experience more positive relationships with ourselves and others. In cultivating self-compassion, we can develop greater self-acceptance, resilience in the face of adversity, and a more balanced and compassionate relationship with ourselves.

Compassion and self-compassion matter greatly. Without these tools, we risk operating outside of integrity, both in a values-based sense, and a structural sense. When we are judgemental or critical toward others, it is much harder for them to communicate openly and honestly with us, and the result is a false relationship based on an absence of safety and trust. When we treat others with kindness and caring they can be who they are, and speak from their truest place, knowing they are safe with us. Similarly, how can we start to know our own values, wants, and needs unless we create a space of safety for them to step forward?

When we start to find small ways to encourage, accept, and support ourselves, we can start to trust that our own experiences are as deserving of loving kindness as anyone else’s. Furthermore, through our common humanity, which is our shared experience of being human, thinking the uncomfortable thoughts, making the embarrassing mistakes, failing at the important challenges, we can recognise that we are not alone, and the kindness we extend to others in need should be mirrored by the kindness we extend to ourselves. Compassion toward self IS compassion toward others.

When we operate with compassion, we are closer to operating with integrity. This means operating in the world in line with our own values, and authentically enough for our mind, motivation, and behaviour to be structurally cohesive and strong. Consider how it feels to act outside of the lines of your values. You may feel compromised, flustered, diminished, or you may be unable to put a finger on it, but just sense a general unease. When we go against our own knowing, our own values, or our own authenticity we cannot experience life fully without being held back by the sacrifice. Compassion offers us a roadmap back to integrity through recognition of how to honour ourselves, and those around us through our mutual human experience.